Blackbird Lake Page 15

“Oh, I know you are. But…”

  “You don’t believe we can do it.” Shifting closer to her, he captured both of her hands in his as a flurry of crimson leaves swirled around them like confetti.

  “Don’t put words in my mouth, Jake.” Carly knew she had to focus only on the issues before them. But Jake’s hands, warmly enclosing hers, distracted her. They were big, powerful, callused from riding and work. They were big enough to dwarf her slender fingers, strong enough to crush them. Yet they felt protective and comforting at the same time.

  She remembered the feel of them exploring all the most sensitive places of her body, giving her so much pleasure. His touch now brought that night in Houston vividly back to her, and she almost found herself sliding closer to him. But she held on to her pride and her common sense just in time and kept her butt planted firmly on the ground.

  “I see I’m going to have to convince you I can be trusted,” he drawled in a deep, solemn voice. But when she saw the gleam of amusement in his eyes, she suddenly had to fight back a smile.

  “I can hardly wait to hear how you expect to do that.”

  “Well, now, let’s see.” A hint of a way-too-appealing grin played at the corners of his mouth. “In my line of work, ma’am, it takes patience to learn how to rope a steer, to make that loop stick on the first throw. It takes patience to learn how to stay on a bull’s back, adapt to his movement, know what he’s going to do, how he’s going to buck by the clenching of a muscle a fraction of an instant before he does it. Patience is how I stay alive, how I make my living. I can be patient with Emma. And I can be patient with you.”

  “Seriously? You’re comparing me and our daughter to a steer and a bull right now?”

  His grin flashed in that handsome face. Oh, he was too good-looking, she thought darkly. And way too sexy. Not to mention all that low-key cowboy charm. It required every ounce of willpower she possessed to keep from smiling right back at him. Who was she kidding? It took all of her willpower not to melt.

  “Seems to me you’re just trying to take that the wrong way.” Those cobalt blue eyes sizzled into hers. “The only thing I’m serious about, Carly, is making this right with Emma. And with you.”

  “Don’t even try to tell me you’re not angry anymore. I don’t believe it.”

  “You want the truth?” The smile did fade then. “I’m sure as hell not happy that you didn’t tell me about Emma, but apparently you had your reasons. I don’t have a clue about the men who’ve been in your life before, but I sure wish you’d given me the benefit of the doubt before lumping me in with them.”

  The moment the words were out of his mouth, he felt her hands clench, as tight and hard as small rocks within his. Her entire body went rigid.

  Man, he’d hit the mark there. Big-time. More than he’d expected.

  “That bad, huh?” He couldn’t help wondering who’d hurt her and how.

  “Bad enough that I don’t care to discuss it.”

  “You know, I might understand better if you’d fill me in.”

  He watched her hesitate, watched those green eyes swimming with doubt. It seemed for a moment that she wasn’t going to answer. But she finally spoke with a shrug, and in a low tone, apparently deciding that if they were going to raise Emma with a semblance of partnership she had to give him something.

  “It’s not an unusual story. My father left and my mother died. I had a lousy childhood.”

  “Sorry to hear it, but what does that have to do with—sorry, go on.” Jake’s thumb rubbed gently against her wrist. He could almost feel her steeling herself.

  “That’s about it. I moved around a lot between my relatives’ homes, like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle that doesn’t really fit anywhere. Nobody really wanted me. My cousin…my uncle…” She drew in a deep breath. “They didn’t ever hurt me, exactly, but…there was drinking, yelling, things were thrown a lot, and Phil—my other cousin—used to think it was fun to lock me in a closet for hours at a time. I was scared almost every minute.”

  She lifted her gaze to his face. “That’s when I had my first panic attack. It took me a long time to get those under control. Back then, it wasn’t a peaceful environment, to say the least. All I wanted, all I dreamed about, was a real home. Someplace quiet, someplace where I wasn’t afraid, and then…I finally found it.” Her eyes softened. “I got lucky and ended up in foster care.”

  Foster care. Damn. That’s right. And suddenly he remembered her telling him something about that the night they spent together. How her foster mother knew Martha Davies—they were related or something—and they’d visited Lonesome Way together when she was still a young girl. She’d told Jake she’d watched him jump into the middle of a fight one day….

  Her next words surprised him.

  “I lucked out beyond anything I could imagine when they took me away from what was left of my family. I got to live with the kindest person in the world. Her name was Annie. Annie Benton. She was Martha’s cousin and she was wonderful. She changed my life.”

  Jake saw the shimmer of love and gratitude in her eyes and a wave of something he couldn’t pin down washed through him. “Glad to hear it.”

  “Everything changed with Annie in my life. I felt safe. Cared for. Happy. Annie was the first person who recognized that I was smart. That I had…potential. That there was a path I could follow to make something of my life. But years later, after I graduated from college, Annie died, too. Cancer. My life by then was on solid footing—thanks to her. I had an MBA and a good job, and then…a boyfriend.”

  “Uh-huh.” He waited, vaguely sensing something nasty coming.

  “He was my one and only serious boyfriend. And he lied to me. Big-time.”

  He watched her lips tighten almost imperceptibly. Those green eyes darkened with remnants of anger.

  “Our whole life together was a lie. It seems Kevin forgot to tell me a few little details about his life. Four details, to be exact. That would be his wife—and their three kids.”

  Jake whistled.

  “Not to mention a lousy temper,” she added, plucking a few blades of grass, watching them slip through her fingers.

  The word “temper” made him straighten. “A lousy temper? Meaning?”

  Her eyes were downcast now. “After I found out he’d been lying to me all along, I ended our relationship. In no uncertain terms. Kevin didn’t like that. And he morphed into someone I didn’t even know. He shoved his way into my apartment and he…he broke things. Including something important to me.” She paused, swallowed. “It was a gift from my closest friend, Sydney. A crystal ballerina sculpture. He threw it against a wall because I wouldn’t get back together with him. I wouldn’t ignore the fact that he had a family, that our entire relationship was based on a lie. He thought we should continue as if nothing was wrong. As if we still had…a relationship. It was…terrifying.” She lifted her head. “That was the moment I realized I’d never really known him.”

  “He hurt you?” Jake’s blood boiled as he thought of her at the mercy of some lying, chicken-ass jerk.

  “No, not physically.” She shook her head, her eyes bitter. “But I realized I’d made a horrendous choice getting involved with him in the first place. Just as my mother did with my father. I guess the women in my family are cursed when it comes to men….”

  She broke off suddenly and drew a breath. “Sorry, nothing personal. Too much information. But you asked. And—other than that,” she added with a rueful smile, “life’s been peachy.”

  Yeah, I bet. So peachy you grew up living in fear. And then in foster care. With a pretty well-earned distrust of every man who might come into or go out of your life at will.

  That didn’t even count an unplanned pregnancy and raising a child alone, he realized.

  Aw, damn.

  “Well, I’m not leaving.” Jake got to his feet and reached down to help her up. “Not for long, at least. I’ll try not to be gone for more than a week or two at a time. And for what it’s worth, I
don’t lie or cheat or break things. Don’t lose my temper much, either. It’s not the way I roll. When I say I’ll be here for you and Emma, I mean it.”

  She looked like she wanted to believe him, but didn’t.

  “If you hurt her, I’ll never forgive you.”

  “I’d never hurt her….” Jake tugged her closer. “If I did, believe me, I’d never forgive myself.”

  Something strange happened in that moment as Carly stared at him. She realized she sort of did believe him. At least, she wanted to. She was searching for some sign of weakness or hesitation, but saw only the determined jut of his jaw, those dark blue eyes more direct and piercing than the sun.

  His arms went around her waist. She tried to stay relaxed. And immune. He obviously had no idea what being this close to him could do to a woman. Any woman, she thought. Her breath hitched in her throat and she swore her pulse was racing like a wild mustang across open range in an old episode of Bonanza.

  “Friends trust each other; they count on each other. I think that’s the kind of friends we can be.” His voice was low. “I plan to spend as much time with Emma as I can. I won’t be able to live in Lonesome Way full-time,” he cautioned, “but I’ll be here to see her a lot. And whenever you or Emma need me, I’ll only be a phone call away.”

  “I don’t need anything from you,” she corrected him quickly. She was about to add: And Emma doesn’t need anything, either.

  But she stopped herself. Because it wasn’t true. Emma deserved a chance to have her father in her life. She couldn’t deprive her of that, not if Jake really wanted to step up.

  But who was to say he’d follow through? His intentions might be honorable, but he could very well lose interest after the next rodeo rolled around—or after the next curvaceous blonde he met at a bar crooked her little finger at him.

  Protecting Emma had to be her priority. Not to mention protecting herself. Being around Jake Tanner could do strange things to a woman. Make her light-headed. Unsettled. Yearning for things she couldn’t have.

  Like one more night in bed with him.

  Not going to happen, she told herself fiercely.

  “I need time to think everything through,” she heard herself say carefully. “I can’t let Emma be hurt—”

  “I’d never do that. You don’t need to protect her from me, Carly. Or try to keep me out of her life. I have a right to be part of it—and I intend to be. Seriously, what kind of a jerk do you think I am? I’d never neglect or hurt her. That’s a promise.”

  “I know you wouldn’t do it on purpose.”

  “Not any which way.”

  He sounded so sure. She felt tiny holes cracking in all her defenses. It hit her full-on in that moment that Jake wasn’t anything like Kevin. He wasn’t a liar, a cheat, or prone to smashing the nearest thing at hand when life didn’t go his way.

  Jake was a wanderer, yes, but he came from a family that cherished their connections to each other. And he was promising to be around for Emma. Maybe not all the time, but maybe enough…enough so that she’d know she had a father who loved her. That she’d have him in her corner, too, as well as her mother.

  Life could be hard. Carly of all people knew that. Emma should have all the love and support she could get in this world. She deserved that.

  She gulped, realizing suddenly that she had no choice. She had to trust him. At least a little, enough to give him a chance.

  “Okay. We’ll try.” She swallowed. “We’ll try to be friends.”

  “What are the odds you could add in the smallest trace of conviction there?” His lips quirked up in a dazzling smile.

  Oh, it wasn’t easy to resist that smile. Warmth curled in her belly. “Trust me, I’m working on it,” she said as lightly as she could.

  Still his strong hands lingered at her waist.

  It wasn’t a conscious decision to inch closer to him, but somehow she did just that. Her breasts were pressed right up against his chest, and his mouth was close enough that if he just leaned down and forward ever so slightly…

  Jake watched her eyes, wide and cautious as she looked at him. She hadn’t tensed or pulled away, though, and her body felt soft and willing and inviting as hell. God, she’s lovely, Jake thought.

  She was so damned sexy, in a mouthwateringly tempting kind of way, and at the same time there was something soft and fragile about her, something that tore at a place in him he hadn’t known still existed. Not since Melanie…

  But Melanie had been scared, vulnerable. And Carly…

  Beneath that fragile, girl-next-door beauty, Jake sensed tremendous strength at Carly’s core.

  A kind of fierce resolution that could only come from bravery. She was completely, ferociously devoted to her daughter. Their daughter. He reminded himself that he needed to be concentrating only on Emma as well.

  He and Carly could be partners in raising her, nothing more. This whole situation was already complicated enough. He couldn’t do anything that would make it more so….

  But it felt so damned good to touch her.

  Don’t go there, man. Don’t even think for a second about going there.

  Yet, when an even colder gust of wind suddenly rattled down from the Crazies, his arms seemed to draw her protectively closer of their own accord. Then—despite his better judgment—he did something impulsive.

  He lowered his head and kissed her.

  It wasn’t meant to be a long kiss. But her lips were even softer, even sweeter tasting than he remembered. Like wildflowers and silk and sunshine. To his surprise, he couldn’t pull back from the kiss, and his mouth lingered on hers for a long time.

  Apparently she didn’t have any objections, Jake realized, because her lips parted responsively as she kissed him back. They were the softest lips—as sweet, as decadent as candy. He almost groaned at the deliciousness of her, at the brush of her soft curves against his body.

  Heat roared through him when he heard her soft mew of pleasure. And every muscle in his body tightened. He deepened the kiss still further, sliding his fingers through her thick, fiery curls, encouraged by another little moan of pleasure.

  God, he knew he shouldn’t touch her. Or kiss her. But she was in his arms, warm and soft and close, and something about her seemed to pull him in….

  Then as a twig snapped overhead, he felt her stiffen suddenly and pull back against his grip.

  “Oh, God, Jake. No.” Her voice was a stricken gasp. “What are we doing? We can’t…. I won’t….”

  She was right. He knew she was right. This could go south in too many ways to count unless they kept everything boiled down to a simple, businesslike friendship.

  But there was nothing businesslike about that kiss. And nothing about it felt wrong. He had to bite back a groan as she yanked away from him, her cheeks flushed the pink of new roses, her eyes locked on his.

  “This can’t happen. It won’t.” She sounded shaken and shook her head as the wind blew strands of bright curls across her cheeks. “We’re going to try to be friends and friends only. Things are complicated enough as they are.”

  “Agreed.” Releasing her, Jake took a step back and shoved his hands in his pockets. “You’re one hundred percent right. Sorry about that. It won’t happen again.”

  “It better not.” Her spine ramrod straight, as if she’d had no part in what had just happened between them and hadn’t enjoyed it in the least, she spun and started back toward the house with long, assertive strides. Jake watched, captivated by the sensuous sway of her hips as she walked away from him.

  For a moment he couldn’t stop staring, but then he dragged his mind from all the things he’d love to do to her, with her, and concentrated on reality.

  Focus, you damned fool. None of those things are going to happen. Not a single one.

  Given their new arrangement—they were all off-limits.

  “So,” he said after he easily caught up to her, then slowed, matching his longer stride to hers, “when do I get to spend time
with Emma again? Do you have a girls’ night out coming up soon? I’ll babysit.”

  “Brave man.” Carly’s heartbeat was finally returning to normal. So, she hoped, was her sanity. She only needed to stay a reasonable distance from Jake Tanner and she’d be fine. Absolutely fine. “Do you really think you’re ready to handle her and Bug all alone?”

  “Sure. Piece of cake.”

  “I hate to tell you this, but you have a lot to learn.”

  “I’m a quick study. And very motivated.”

  “My next night out is the auction,” she told him as they cleared the trees and his brother’s house came into sight. “I happen to need a babysitter for that night, if you think you’re up for it.”

  “You mean the dating auction?” He frowned. “I heard something about that. You running the show or some-thing?”

  “Hardly. I’ve been roped into auctioning myself off to the highest bidder.”

  “You?” His eyes narrowed just a little. “I thought you said you didn’t date.”

  “I don’t. I didn’t…but I couldn’t get out of this.” She shrugged. “Ava Todd doesn’t know how to take no for an answer. And besides, everyone I know is volunteering. Even Madison. Martha offered to stay with Emma that night if I really need her to babysit, but she’s helped Ava and Dorothy Winston plan the whole event. I know she’d love to be there and see how it comes off. I was planning to ask Ivy to babysit, but she’s been invited on a weekend trip with her friend Shannon Gordon’s family, so…”

  There was a small, expectant silence just as they reached the deck. Through the sliding doors, Carly could see Madison laughing as she played ring around the rosie with Emma, Molly, Aiden, and Zoey, all of their hands linked together as part of a circle.

  Emma and her cousins.

  She glanced over at Jake and saw he was watching them, too. Or it seemed like he was.

  “How about if I hunt up another babysitter for Emma?” he suggested. “And I go to the auction instead. I’ll bid on you so you won’t have to go out with some strange yahoo who can’t get a date on his own.”

  As she said nothing, just stared at him, he offered a shrug and a heart-melting smile. “I’m always happy to help a lady out of a tight spot.”