Blackbird Lake Read online

  “I’ll bring her to your apartment in about an hour.” Carly glanced at Jake, as if expecting an objection, and when none came, she straightened her shoulders. “I’ll give you a heads-up when I’m on my way.”

  “Whatever is going on—” Martha’s voice trailed off, her gaze locking on Carly’s with concern. “You know I’m here if you need me.”

  “Thank you. I know.” Somehow she managed a wan smile before she turned toward the steps with Emma babbling in her ear, gesturing with her little arms.

  It’s the one thing I do know right now, Carly thought as she held Emma close. Martha would be here for her. Even if the world—meaning Lonesome Way—discovered that Jake was Emma’s father and that she’d never told him he had a daughter.

  Even if the Tanners and half the town turned on her for having kept such a secret from one of their native sons.

  For a moment she wished with all her heart that Annie was here, too. She was going to need all the friends she could get. If, after this came out, she even had any friends left.

  “Down, Mumma, down,” Emma ordered, squirming as they neared the porch. “Me walk. Me!”

  Setting her daughter gently on her feet, she held Emma’s hand and helped her up the steps. When Carly reached for the screen door, Jake was somehow there first and pulled it open.

  “Hi there, Emma,” he said softly. There was a smile on his face, but Carly thought it looked strained.

  He wants this like a hole in the head. Her resolve tightened. Jake has no use for a child, but he’s a Tanner and he’s been brought up never to run away from his responsibilities. Maybe that’s why all of his life, he’s avoided taking any on.

  “Emma, this nice man is Jake.” Too late she realized her tone sounded forced: overbright and much too cheerful. Phony baloney, as Annie would have said. She flinched in-wardly. “Jake is Mommy’s friend. Can you say hi?”

  Emma shot Jake a lightning-quick smile and a distracted wave, then tugged her other hand free of Carly’s, darted around Jake into the house, and took off for her little playroom down the hall, just beyond Carly’s sewing room, running with a toddler’s wobbly gait.

  “Bug!” she yelled, followed by a giggle. “Bug!”

  Jake stared after her, looking dazed as she disappeared into the playroom.

  There was a brief silence except for the sounds of Emma’s babbling. Carly closed the front door, leaned her back against it.

  “Bug is her stuffed dog. She likes the word ‘Bug.’ She even calls her lamb Buggy. And her doll, too. Go figure.”

  Every vestige of a smile had disappeared from Jake’s face. He looked shell-shocked. Even more so now than he had at the quilt shop. He deposited the diaper bag on the floor.

  “We have some things to discuss.”

  “Of course.” She forced herself to move calmly, deliberately to the sofa, where she sank down. “I know that we have a lot to figure out.”

  She could breathe now at least, but there was still a band of tension within her chest. “We don’t have to settle everything today. There will be plenty of time to sort it all out—”

  “You’re going to talk to me about time? I’ve missed two years!”

  “She’s only eighteen months old.”

  “There’s the whole womb thing! The pregnancy. All of that! She heard your voice then, all those months. She could’ve been hearing mine. I know for a fact from my sister and Sophie and Mia—babies can hear voices in the womb.”

  Her gaze flew to his face, and she went very still. “You…you wish you had talked to her in the womb?” she asked dazedly.

  Stalking over to the sofa, he took a seat beside her. His nearness was distracting. His dark, gorgeous good looks and hot cowboy vibe seemed to simmer in her cool, cozy living room with its gauzy white curtains and yellow pillows tossed across a blue and white chintz sofa.

  Jake looked bigger and tougher than ever in this light, feminine room. He dwarfed her furniture, made the feminine touches look even sweeter, more delicate. But the pain in his eyes flooded her with a bone-deep surprise.

  “I should have been there every step of the way,” he bit out and she could see he was holding anger in check.

  She could barely keep the astonishment from her voice. “I…had no idea you’d…feel that way. I never guessed. I thought I was giving you a pass…letting you off the hook—”

  “You don’t know anything about me. If I have a daughter, I damn well want to…” He stopped, clamped his mouth closed, then looked her straight in the eyes.

  “Look, it’s going to take a little time for this to sink in. But I’m telling you right now, I intend to be financially responsible for her. You’ve done it all for more than two years; it’s time to let me do my share. And if you need financial help—”

  “I don’t. I don’t need one single thing from you.”

  “Damn it, Carly.” He gritted his teeth. “Do you think I’m just going to go on my merry way, stop in and hand off a Christmas present once a year? I need to figure out how this is going to work—no, we need to figure out how this is going to work because I will be a part of her life from now on. In some way or other,” he added tautly as she shot him a look of incredulity. “I don’t know all the details yet, or how I’m going to make that happen, but I will. She’s going to know me, she’s going to call me Daddy—not Jake—and I’m going to spend as much time with her as I can. We’ll do it slowly, gradually. You can stop looking so horrified,” he added, his mouth grim. “I’m not saying I’m taking her home with me this afternoon and bringing her back to you in a couple of weeks.”

  Carly went pale even as he said those words.

  “You and I will work this out.” Taking a long breath, he grasped her hands in his own big ones, and his voice went quiet. “We’ll do it together. I promise I won’t do anything to shake up her life, the one she has here. And I’m not trying to shake up yours. But I will be a father to her, Carly. You’re going to have to deal with that and make some room for me in her life. Starting now.”

  Her mind was whirling. “Give me a minute to think.” She pulled her hands from his grip and pressed her knuckles to her eyes. Her thoughts were in a jumble, like a ball of tangled yarn, and her throat felt so dry it was raw.

  “I never imagined…I was trying to spare you. I came to see you once when I was pregnant and I almost told you—but I didn’t think you’d want—”

  “You didn’t even ask me,” he interrupted. “You never gave me a chance. But I’m here now. And I’m damned well going to stick around Lonesome Way for an extra few weeks while we work this out—and while I get to know Emma. You and I are going to come up with a plan, an arrangement. One that’s comfortable for both of us—for all of us,” he corrected. His jaw was clenched, no doubt with the effort he was exerting to control his temper.

  She studied him with amazement. And skepticism. “Are you sure about this? I don’t think you’ve thought it through, Jake. You can’t start being Emma’s father and then stop and leave for six months or so. That’s not fair to her. You can’t drop in once or twice a year and expect her to love you and count on you the way she—” She broke off.

  “The way she counts on you?” he demanded.

  She sat up straighter. Nodded. “Yes. The way she counts on me.”

  “I’m going to see her a helluva lot more than once or twice a year. That you can believe.” Jake’s eyes had darkened to cobalt. “I may not live permanently in Lonesome Way, but I’ll be here for her. On a regular basis—and anytime she needs me. Or anytime you need me, for that matter,” he added in a mutter.

  She shook her head in disbelief.

  Then there was a loud thumping crash from the playroom and they both shot to their feet, racing down the hall. Jake sprinted ahead and through the door, Carly right behind him, her heart lodged in her throat.

  There was Emma, sprawled on the floor beside the little art table and chairs near the toy chest. She’d somehow managed to pull the table over and it had
crashed down on her. Her mouth opened and closed, then she let out a piercing scream just as Jake moved the table aside and knelt beside her.

  “Where does it hurt, Emma? Show me where.” Carly swooped over before Jake could say a word. Gently, she pulled Emma into her arms. “Shhh, you’re okay, baby.” She kissed Emma’s forehead. “Tell me what hurts. Your head? Did you hit your head?” She tensed as Emma let out another scream—more like a wail—then began to cry.

  She looks okay, Jake thought, his own heart thumping as he righted the table. There wasn’t a scratch on her. The table had hit the floor, but it didn’t look like it had hit Emma.

  Carly was stroking her hair. “It’s okay, sweetie,” she said softly, easing Emma against her shoulder and gently patting her back. “You’re okay. I think you just scared yourself, didn’t you?”

  Emma cried for about another sixty seconds, then gave a hiccup. As Carly set her down again, carefully scrutinizing her, Emma pulled away.

  “Bug,” she gasped. She ran toward the rocking chair, where a stuffed dog lay upon the seat. It had a goofy smile on its fuzzy brown face and was missing one floppy ear. The other ear was halfway torn off.

  “Bug.” Emma snatched up the stuffed dog, smiled beautifically at it, and kissed the top of its frayed brown and white head.

  “I shouldn’t have taken my eyes off her.” Carly scrambled to her feet, ignoring his outstretched hand. She shot him a glare. It was all she could do not to order him out of her house.

  If she hadn’t been distracted talking to him, she’d have been supervising Emma. She usually kept an eye on her at all times.

  Jake was a distraction. She didn’t need him or his help, and neither did Emma. She certainly wasn’t going to encourage him to play a part in their lives.

  But now that he knows the truth, she thought uneasily, I might not have a lot of options. What if he really wants to be involved?

  Not that she expected that to be the case once the first wave of surprise and adjustment wore off. He’ll go back to his rodeoing life and his beer commercials and his fawning fans, she told herself. Oh, he’ll make time for Emma now and then, but I’ll be damned if I let Emma get so close to him that she’ll miss him while she’s waiting for him to fit her in for a visit.

  “She’s a very good baby, and sweet natured,” she said, keeping her tone low. “But she needs to be watched every minute, unless she’s in her crib or Pack ’n Play. I shouldn’t have left her alone while we were talking—”

  Suddenly she sniffed the air, her nose wrinkling as she glanced over at her daughter.

  “I need to change her diaper now—unless you want to do it. And then I’m taking her back to Martha’s. If that’s okay with you,” she added tartly. She wasn’t accustomed to having to check hers and Emma’s schedule with anyone except Martha and Madison. Certainly not with him.

  She expected Jake to back out of the room at the first mention of a diaper change, but to her amazement he held his ground, just staring at her steadily, and she remembered then that he was a doting uncle to a slew of kids, his sister’s and his two brothers’.

  Okay, maybe diaper changes don’t freak him out.

  And so far, actually, he hadn’t freaked out at all. He hadn’t looked scared at the idea of being a father. He hadn’t looked like he wanted to run. It was a bit surprising. He’d only seemed upset that he didn’t know.

  Which didn’t do wonders for her conscience.

  She told herself he was just in shock. It would wear off and then…

  Who knew how he’d feel then?

  “Why don’t we talk about things tomorrow and…arrange for another visit?”

  “When?” he asked instantly.

  “Well, you could see her at Zoey’s birthday party on Saturday.”

  His jaw clenched.

  “I will see her at Zoey’s birthday party on Saturday. But there’ll be a lot of kids and other people there. I’d appreciate some one-on-one time before then. How about if we meet at the park tomorrow? You can supervise while I push my daughter on a swing. Half an hour. That’s all I’m asking.”

  She tensed even as she told herself he wasn’t being unreasonable. He was trying. Trying to do what was right, she had to admit, but she had her doubts about how serious he’d be on the follow-through.

  “I work tomorrow, but I suppose I can take a slightly longer lunch break,” she heard herself saying. “I think short visits will be best for now, but I’ll bring a lunch for all three of us. We can meet near the picnic benches.”

  Jake nodded. He was still in shock and trying his damnedest to hold it all together. And did Carly really think to scare him off with the threat of having to change a diaper? He’d changed a few diapers in his day. Well, maybe once or twice for his nieces and nephew.

  And though the prospect certainly didn’t enthrall him, it didn’t scare him, either. If he could climb on the back of an enraged bull and wrestle eighteen hundred pounds of fury to the ground, he could certainly change a little diaper.

  His own daughter’s diaper.

  But he figured it would seem petty to point that out, so instead he told her that he’d be at the park at one o’clock the following afternoon. Then he strode to the door of the playroom. His brain felt ready to explode, and Carly was sending out cautious, wary vibes. He didn’t want her to go into full panic mode again. Not on his account.

  She could probably use some time to come to grips with this, he thought. He sure as hell could.

  His head was still spinning. But he had to decide exactly how he was going to deal with this. He’d only known for…what?

  Less than an hour.

  In that space of time, his entire world had shifted at light speed into a different galaxy.

  He shot a long, appraising look at Carly. She seemed plenty steady now. Once she’d finally spit out the truth, the signs of the panic attack had ebbed. She seemed as solid as a tree trunk, but a whole lot prettier and sexier. Which was what had landed them in this pickle in the first place.

  He reminded himself that right now there was something more she had to come to grips with—not only the fact that he knew about Emma, but that he wasn’t running away. That she wasn’t going to be raising their daughter all on her own anymore, not by a long shot.

  As for his daughter—Emma had barely noticed him so far. It felt a little bit like a jagged butcher knife dragging through his gut. When he thought of how his little nieces and his nephew Aiden’s faces lit up whenever they saw Rafe or Travis or Lissie’s husband, Tommy, he felt a knot tightening in his chest.

  He was a father. He needed to be part of his daughter’s life. It’s not too late, he told himself. She isn’t even two years old yet. He’d do whatever he could to earn Emma’s love and trust. To be there for her, the way his parents had been there for him and Lissie, Travis, and Rafe.

  So much for no one depending on me, Jake thought grimly, the old ache searing through him.

  For an instant Melanie’s frightened eyes the last time he’d seen her flashed into his mind. And the familiar pain swept right through him along with it. He swore in that instant that he’d step up—be there for Emma no matter what. He’d never let anything get in the way. Never let anyone hurt her.

  I’ll take care of her, protect her.

  Earn her love.

  But he knew that last part wasn’t going to happen in one afternoon.

  “Tomorrow then. The park. One o’clock.”

  Drawing in a deep breath, he cast one more glance at Carly’s taut face.

  “You don’t have to worry. I’ll be there for Emma whenever she needs me. You can count on that.”

  When she said nothing, only stared at him in stricken silence, he turned on his heel and left, striding down the hall, quietly closing the front door behind him.

  Even as he climbed into his truck, he remembered he’d left Bronco back at Travis and Mia’s place—and that made him think of his brothers, his sister, and their various spouses.

&n
bsp; What stretched before him over the next few hours made him groan.

  Oh, man. He’d screwed up big-time without ever realizing it. Rafe and Travis would not be happy. And Lissie…

  She’d go nuts.

  Jake took off back toward Sage Ranch, his mouth set in a grim line. Time to face the music. He had to tell his family about Emma. Right away.

  Forty minutes later in the Sage Ranch kitchen, Travis and Rafe stared at their youngest brother as if he’d just informed them he’d dropped in from Jupiter and was headed to a rodeo on Mars.

  “Tell me you’re joking,” Rafe bit out, his face frozen in shock.

  “You only found out today?” Travis, the security specialist and former FBI agent, looked skeptical and seemed intent on pinning down the facts. “Are you saying she never so much as hinted—”

  “I never saw her again after that night. Not until…well, last night.” Jake paced to the stove and back, not even noticing the platter of peanut butter brownies on the granite countertop, or the sounds of horses nickering out back in the Sage Ranch corral.

  “She says she almost told me when she found out she was pregnant. She came to find me at some rodeo and then changed her mind. Damn it, all this time, I could have—”

  “Stepped up?” Travis eyed him coolly. “You would have, right?”

  “Of course. What the hell do you think?” Jake took an ominous step forward, his eyes narrowed on his brother, but Rafe stepped between them with the ease of a big brother who was used to calming things down.

  “That’s enough. Both of you.” He clapped a hand on Jake’s broad shoulder. “No one’s saying you did anything wrong. But what happens next, Jake? You going to marry Carly?”

  “I guess. If that’s what she wants,” he replied tersely, trying to ignore the roiling in the pit of his stomach.

  Marriage. To think that at Travis and Mia’s wedding, he’d laughed off the notion, sworn he’d never walk down the aisle. And he’d believed it.

  But now, here he was, ready to tie the knot with a woman he barely knew. And he’d do it, too, if he could talk her into it. It would be like swallowing a dose of horrible-tasting medicine, but he wasn’t about to have his daughter grow up without a father, without every legal protection he could offer her, and offer to her mother.